The Customer

Finally, a subject that we all live for, the customer. In his grabby little hands he holds our money, well, almost our money. It must make it to our paint stained hands with latex clogged fingernails covering the splinters and bruises. So much for glamour. The customer, who and what is it? Customers come in a variety of distortions. The ones that scream at high noon when they discover their shadow is gone and those that are so macho that a near miss with a chain saw hardly makes 'em blink (or so they would like us to think).

Part of the customer's baggage is the all knowing and seeing building department; they are followed by the powerful fire department. I was in several haunts last year that scared the poop out of me, not because they were doing a good job (HA), but because the haunt was as dangerous as dangerous could get. I have no idea how this place got approved and what ninny thought it had enough exits, but…

To set the record straight, our job is to scare the bee gee gees out of people. We do this by getting them lost in a maze (oxymoron?), presenting them with impossible situations, jumping into their face and bouncing off the walls. Some customer's keep their eyes closed, others ignite a match for guidance and others boldly exclaim that they are invincible.

'93 was a year of serious tests. We set up to do a fire drill with real customers. A sign in the lobby (as well as our ticket sales person) warned every customer of the impending test. It never happened, we got so darn busy we had no time. A fluke, Thursdays early in the month are slow. I forgot about it, was not going to do it over the weekend and took down the sign. Well as Murphy would have it, the fire alarm got tripped. The cast thought it was the fire drill and proceeded to their individual tasks. The customers were unimpressed, did not exit the building and generally ignored the actors and security. Now, the drill was to be presented to the customers as the real thing, they were told that there was an emergency and could you please take the nearest exit. A few did manage to finally leave, I think. But in general it was a flop. Oh my staff found the fake fire (a large cut out of flames, it was hidden in wardrobe), but our evacuation of real customers was less than successful. Why?

Because of all the aforementioned items, our job was to scare them and we were doing a terrible job of it. The saving grace was that this occurred early Friday evening before the rush. We gave all the customers free haunt tickets to return and Raceway Passes. One of the contributing factors was (discovered accidentally before opening during the building department inspection) all the exit doors were painted exactly like the haunt walls: they did not stand out as different or as exits. This was changed for '94. The main factor is that customers are "idiots". We added 12 flashing strobes and horns. emergency lighting, no sound track and no theatrical lighting. "Hey this must be part of the show". "Not very good if you ask me". "Yeah, it really sucks".

What to do about the customer. Short of an orientation film and professional presenter, I have no suggestions. If the customer is not screaming, running into the walls and each other; they are attacking props and actors. We have had two more emergency drills, with similar results. The third drill included four deafening sirens placed about the building. I waited to see if anything that we were doing new this drill would have an effect, it did not, till I threw the switch on the new sirens. This was most effective and drove people out of the building and kept moving them. I sincerely hope that I never have to hear that sound again. To enhance the sirens I have been developing an air ram system that will automatically open all doors when an alarm is tripped. And even with all the problems we still evacuate a customer filled haunt in less than ninety seconds. It's just that I would like for the customers to participate more.

We do not use metal detectors. I have a real live police officer in the lobby and a sign "For your Safety and the Safety of Others, You are being Video Taped". Since 1979 I can count all physical incidents on one hand (knock on wood). My actors have done more to injury themselves than the customer have come close to and potentially rowdy customers have learned a whole new meaning to dejavu as they pass the same security person over and over again.

Catering to the customer is a must. However, we must take into account that the very nature of our production can cause confusion during an emergency and that our customers are apt to become blithering idiots.

Next Week, The Actor

Mad Hatter

Copyright 1999, All Rights Reserved

ARTICLES