Littleton, Columbine High

Enough already. This horror has nothing to do with gun control, nerd abuse or the color of snow. It is but one of the many costs of "Freedom".

This school massacre is terrible, it does not have the highest body count, another country has that distinction (unfortunately).

So what's the point? We are dealing with terrorists, not children (they were 17 and 18, young adults). I shall walk a mile in their shoes, because no one else has the guts. I am going to offer an explanation, the one no one else can.

I was a teenager once, yes I know that was a long time ago, but if I squint really hard, ah yes, there it is, its all coming back to me now. I was the/a nerd. I was the one people talked about, pointed at and laughed at. The difference between me and some of the members of the 'Trenchcoat Mafia' was I really did not care what anyone thought of me (and that attitude has grown stronger). The reality is that I was an extreme introvert (someone who is shy and has poor people skills). What happened to me is what happens to most creative types that come out of the creative closet. Imagine extrovert and introvert as the beginning and end of a circle. One would think that the goal is to work your way around the circle from introvert to extrovert, then again you may be wrong. I was so far gone that I snuck into extreme extrovert from the other direction.

My arrival at this junction was not without pain. In seventh grade I had a good friend. Or thought I did. I had no idea that he was a fire bug and needed someone to slip some of the blame off onto. A singular event stands out in my mind. A very large vacant field on Lovers Lane next to where the Dallas North Tollway is. It was covered in high grass and short trees. School was almost out and we were in need of rain. My friend wanted to 'play with matches' and 'torch some bugs'. Or so he said. We arrived at the field and I watched as he ran the gambit of bugs, ants and spider webs. Then he produced a small can of lighter fluid (this is the days before Bic). He thoroughly doused a small tree and set it a fire. I watched. Time to digress: I am a licensed pyrotechnician; have a flame breathing dragon puppet and do explosions for movies… I love fire, the smell of fireworks and the heat that scorches the hair from my body. SO in all honesty I was caught up in my friends demonstration. I stood and watched, oblivious to the fact that he was gone and that the flames had near encircled me, the flames were fantastic, the smell invigorating and I was as high as a kite. Reality came in the form of sirens. Time was frozen, I was captured by the flames, the volume of the sirens grew and I became more aware of my surroundings. The wind fanned the flames upward, choking smoke began to fill my lungs and I searched for an exit. Must have found one, eh?

I never spoke to the kid again. I escaped unharmed and undetected. He was not so lucky. It seems that he ran into an adult that took poorly to having lighter fluid spilled on his clothes, yes, he still had the can in his hands.

There is a point to all of this. Our terrorists have a beginning, we all know their end. For whatever reason, the opinions of others had impact on one or both of the young men. I am not a shrink and the reason they began their trip to hell is not the point here, though you might have thought so. One takes a trip for many reasons. It is important to have goals. Goal setting is something we are all taught at a very early age. The difference between positive goals and negative goals is where the shrink fits in. The groundwork had already been laid when a relatively simple event became important to our young terrorists to be. Several 'rich kid athletes' made the news: first, as criminals and second as criminals getting away with it. The actual trigger is not important, as I said the ground work had been laid, anything could have become the trigger.

Then it happened. In the heat of the moment of the reality of the trigger one or both said "lets get even". The other agreed. And now the path has been set. Or has it? It is my personal opinion that one or both never really believed that they would actually do what they had agreed to do. It was a goal never to be carried out. But this is where fantasy kicks in and reality leaves. The absurd goal became an obsession. First they made a pipe bomb and exploded it. "Hey, this is cool". Then they became spies. Making detailed plans. It was a game. It became their life. The goal became reality and reality became fantasy. They had to be reversed. They were leading double lives. Only during the actual commission of the event does it become clear how confused they really were. The goal to kill as many as possible, to kill all that they could became clouded as they failed (?) to shoot all that their gun sights saw.

True they were troubled teens, and they were making known their intentions in a variety of ways, but they failed to reach their goal. There plans were a year in the making. They had the edge, surprise was on their side and they took over the school with little difficulty, yet. Yet, they both died soon after the event began. They ended their lives quickly. Why?

I imagine it was a game that they lost control of. I believe that once they woke up in the library and viewed the carnage around them, that they lost it. Reality has a way of waking you up from the fire.

They were both intelligent young men, had friends, had families and were not poor. What they did have were many questions; the answers for which they could not find; except for the twisted answers they found in the world of hate: they could not see the world of love. Soon all they could see were the people they found reason to hate. The people that they had to create more reasons, than reason would allow, to hate. She believed in God, we know that there is no God. He is black, we know that he is inferior. He is an athlete, add any reason that fits the bill. The reality today is that the body count is low. They were prepared to kill many more than they did. Why did they not? Why was a year of planning over in less than a half an hour? What happened in the library? Did they shoot themselves, did one shoot the other and then himself?

God will be their judge. But I offer this. The pair woke up from a fantasy, found reality and were horrified, as were we all. They made a mistake and once they realized what it was that they had done, they ended the mistake and stopped the killing. I am giving them the benefit of doubt. I am trying to walk in their shoes.

The media is beating its breast, claiming that this is another of the school shooting events. It is not. This event cannot begin to be compared to the others. They will, of course, but that is because they are stupid, they are the media and they suffer from tunnel vision. If it bleeds it leads. This tragedy is much the same as the OKC bombing. The good ol' USA has, for the most part, avoided home grown terrorists. We should be comparing Littleton and OKC, not other schools. Even though my explanation is one of confusion between reality and fantasy. It is the fantasy that became their reality and they lived it till the river of blood swept them back. You see, terrorists live in a fantasy world. "If I do this I will make a difference".

The tragedy is that we lost fifteen humans, more were physically wounded and thousands are emotionally scared or impacted. What can we learn from this? Only that freedom has a heavy price. Freedom of speech, expression and the written word are now being challenged. You cannot regulate free speech and anyone that thinks guns can be controlled is a fool. Selling tobacco products to teens is illegal. Yet, they appear to purchase/acquire them from someone/place. Any person determined enough can purchase near anything that they can afford. Those willing to control guns can take a look at the controls used to impede the flow of narcotics.

Could this tragedy been avoided? Maybe, but not likely. No one in their right mind would have believed the story, as a matter of fact, no one did.

JBCorn

Copyright 1999, All Rights Reserved

ARTICLES